she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
