I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
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So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
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And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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