I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
