I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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