I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
