mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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