But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
