i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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