Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
