Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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