my phone needs a breathalizer
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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