I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
