Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
