The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
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