OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Randomize
