And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
