i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
