I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
