i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
