she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
How does it feel to date your dad?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
