just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
