He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
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I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
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Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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