bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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