we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
