you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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