Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
