i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
