True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
