I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize