If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
