you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
