Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
