I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
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