Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
