I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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