guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You smell like stripper and shame
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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