i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just invented taco cereal.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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