All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
