i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
