just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
