For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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