Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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