doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
