Buhtt sex?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
