My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Randomize
