i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
