The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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