We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
