Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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