Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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