She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
