meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I think I died a long time ago.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
