Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
