My pussy is not your playground.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
