I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
