cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
