"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
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