I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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