I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
