I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
