was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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