I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Four minutes until I can fart!
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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