Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
