Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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