I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
