Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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