I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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