Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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