smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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