I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
