he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Four minutes until I can fart!
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
