i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
