If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
