There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
