Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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